Friday, May 28, 2010

Thursday, May 27, 2010

A family Divided.. continued

*Copyright 27, May, 2010 Cullens Online
Rosalie and Emmett are now aware of what has been happening to the family over the past few days. Rosalie spoke with Alice, and in turn decided it would be best for her to speak some sense into Jasper as well. After having a vision, Alice sent Esme and Edward to stop a fight that ha broken out between me and Jasper. They were too late to stop it. Esme stayed with me, where heated words were exchanged, as Edward went in search of Jasper. Esme left me in the woods after she gave me a letter to read, Edward was able to bring Jasper back to the house to speak with Alice and Rosalie. Thankfully Emmett was there to comfort Esme as she returned to house without me.

What will happen now? Will I ever come home? Will Jasper and I make amends? The events continue today, May 27th continuously throughout the afternoon. Follow Alice and Jasper today as they talk about the need for his apology. Edward and Bella share their concerns on twitter at 1:30pm pacific time, and at 2pm Pacific time join Rosalie in her determination to speak to me.

Missed some of the commotion? Join Cullens Online and check out our Current events group, or check out the family blogs!

*Copyright 27, May, 2010 Cullens Online

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

A Family Divided

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**Copyright 26, May 2010**

After a much needed hunt I headed north and came upon Jasper sitting alone in a small clearing. I attempted to speak with him about yesterday's incident. After our confrontation, Esme found us and words were spoken........

Carlisle - Jasper, you do realize the severity of the consequences we would have had to face if our family was exposed yesterday?

Jasper - *My hands tightening beside me into fists, ignoring the surroundings of us as my anger at this man matches my hurt.* Yes Carlisle, I think I have some Idea by now.

Carlisle - It is not only you and I that we must think of, it is also the others. We cannot afford any negative attention

Jasper - *Glaring.* Well you think I do not realize that? You seem to forget some of us do not have the ability for YOUR control. Some of us have to work at this.

Carlisle - My control is not as easy to come by as you may think.

Jasper - Perhaps not, but you seem to forget the journey it took to get that control. You expect me to find it easy, well I don't. You have no idea how I try at this, this is not my choice but I do it for the people I love. *Shaking my head, snarling softly.*

Carlisle - *breaks the stick, feeling the affects of Jasper's anger spilling towards me* Control is something you are very capable of. Yes, I have been controlling myself for much longer than you but you sell yourself short. Your will must be for yourself, not for others

Jasper - *Snickering, my anger building at his words.* And that is meant to make this all better? 'Jasper it's all your fault but you can pull yourself up, I'm so sorry you're a screw up' *Rolling my eyes* Please, You know as well as I how far in the wrong you are also. Oh but wait. I forgot, you are Carlisle, the perfect father in the world, fixer of problems and always right. Screwin' up is not in YOUR nature.

Carlisle - *Clenches my teeth* We all screw up, Jasper. EVERYONE does. It's part of the circle of existence! I do not claim to be perfect. As a matter of fact, I am far from it. I do, however, have a duty to protect this family and I will by ANY means possible!

Jasper - *Snarling* And of course that means that the person who is not of YOUR turning has to suffer, I couldn't give a damn what you do to ME. But really smooth move upsetting your wife and daughter. *Shaking my head, my words no longer making sense in my blind anger.*

Carlisle - *steps closer, anger filling my words* Do you think that because I wasn't the one who changed you that you mean ANY less to me than the others? You are just as much a part of this family as the others. Stop wallowing and own up to your own shortcoming, face your issues and regain the control I KNOW you are capable of!

Jasper - *Moving closer as he yells, a snarl coming from within me.* This is YOUR fault. If I hadn't had to help YOU then we would not be in this right now and Alice would not be sitting at home probably thinkin' I am about to leave her.You know what carlisle, you are worse than us all. You pretend to be all understandin', but really you are just like anyone else. You neglect the things you dont want to believe and tell others when they do themselves. Hell I KNOW I Messed up. I respected YOU. And look where that lead.

Carlisle - *shakes my head speaking low realizing this is going no where fast* This is about our family's safety, not your insecurities.

Jasper - *Shaking my head.* You know what, I'm done. You can go off and lecture someone else, that is all you ever do. I'm done believein' in you to be a father to me. You're just as ignorant as the dirt who runs beside Maria. *Growling.*

Carlisle - A lecture, Jasper, is one sided. We are having a conversation *growls low, slowly losing my patience*

Carlisle - *steps forward, anger seething, eyes growing dark*

Jasper - *Laughing bitterly closer.* But of course, who could tell the difference, you're so used to hearin' your own voice it doesn't matter what the others around you would say.

Carlisle - *affected by Jasper's projected anger, stepping forward into his personal space*

Carlisle - *whispering close to his ear* This family's unrest lies with you. Make a choice, Jasper

Jasper - *Growling.* Step Away from me.

Carlisle - *shakes my head* I'm not the one who steps away from things, Jasper ... Look at you out here! Did you ONCE stop to consider Alice's wishes? HER FEELINGS?

Jasper - *Snarling.* Don't you talk about Alice!

Carlisle - WHY NOT?! She's supposed to be the center of your world! Yet you disregard her feelings as if they don't matter.

Jasper - *Growling.* That is not true!

Carlisle - Isn't it? Where is she Jasper? I don't see her? *looks around exaggerating my gestures* She ISN'T HERE because YOU decided to run off and play WOE IS ME! I used to believe that you and Alice were the perfect match and now I'm starting to doubt that to my very core I see now, old dogs, new tricks *shakes my head* She deserves better than this, Jasper. And YOU KNOW IT

Jasper - *Snarling and pushing him back away from me into the trees, his words ringing in my head, mirroring my own emotion almost exactly, how unlike him... realizing then that it is my own projection on to him and turning tail, running into the forrest.*

Carlisle - *hits the tree breaking it in 1/2 sending it crashing into the forest*

Carlisle - *sits quietly, feeling my anger dissipate as he runs off, realizing I was affected by his own projected emotions*

Edward - *Bursts into the clearing seeing Carlisle's twisted face of rage, hearing his thoughts of the fight, and of Jasper's disapearance* Carlisle..? *Doesn't wait for a reply, and takes off into the woods after Jasper, growling through clenched teeth*

Carlisle - *holds my head with both hands whispering to myself* What have I done?

Carlisle - *looks up seeing the blurr of Edward disappear into the trees*

Esme - *Runs into the clearing hearing the growls of the fight, the snap of a tree, knowing we are too late, watching as Edward runs off into the woods, and carefully approaches Carlisle* Are you alright?

Carlisle - *doesn't look up* Physically? Yes. Emotionally? no

Esme - *Keeps my distance, unsure of how to handle the situation* What happened here?

Carlisle - *stands slowly, brushing the dirt and leaves from my clothes* I don't know *stares blankly in the direction that Jasper and Edward disappeared*

Esme - *Follows your gaze, standing behind you for the moment* How can you not know? Where is Jasper?

Esme - Carlisle...Answer me...Where is our SON!

Carlisle - *points*

Esme - Is that all you are going to do? POINT? *Growls* What.Have.You.DONE!

Carlisle - *looks at you, hurt and rage still fresh in my heart* Of course *speaks softly, clenching my fists* What I've done. Right

Carlisle - yes.. because you couldn't POSSIBLY be because of Jasper's actions. No no.. he's the golden child *looks to your eyes, mine flashing dark*

Esme - *Takes a deep breath, growling harshly through my clenched teeth* Do you not understand how much this famly needs your guidance? You are acting like - *pauses, thinking* Like a monster...pure and simple!

Carlisle - *continues, ignoring your words* You're always coddling him, listening to his inane excuses time after time. When will the danger become real to you, Esme?

Carlisle - *turns and looks into the clearing* perhaps it will become real when the Volturi return again after he loses control AGAIN and NONE OF US are around to STOP HIM?

Esme - C-Coddling him? *Stands back, looking at you in shock* Well one of us has to be the support he needs, and it's OBVIOUSLY not going to be YOU! *narrows my eyes* You are not the man I could you do this to our family?

Carlisle - You speak of support *chuckles*

Carlisle - *starts walking slowly, shaking my head*

Esme - Perhaps if you would allow me to be there for you, instead.. *Starts to raise my voice as you walk away* Instead of walking away EVERY would HAVE that support!

Carlisle - Maybe you're right *turns, dropping my hands at my side*

Esme - *Pulls a letter from my pocket, clutching it in my hands* I had hoped that our next encounter would be under better circumstances. I wrote this to you last night... Here's your support... *Throws the letter right at you*

Esme - *Walks up to you* I am right, I know I am right.

Carlisle - *catches the letter, opening it to read*

Esme - Why bother reading it Carlisle? You've already made your mind up. Jut throw it away like you've been doing for the past two days.

Carlisle - *pockets the letter* What do you want from me?

Carlisle - TELL ME *raises my voice*

Esme - I came here to help you. I came here to make you understand how much I need you! *Cringes back from you as you shout* I want my husband family BACK!

Carlisle - *speaks low* Talk to your SON..He has driven this wedge into the family, NOT ME *throws the letter on the ground*

Esme - How can I possibly speak to him? I can't even FIND him! And it IS your fault! You were supposed to be there for him, for our family. *looks to the letter* You need to apologzie and make this RIGHT!

Carlisle - Of course *says sarcastically* I'll get right on that

Esme - *Throws my hands up in frustration* Do you not understand that I am your WIFE? Don't take your anger out on me, Carlisle. We were supposed to be together through EVERYTHING...remember your promise? Or does that mean nothing to you?

Carlisle - *Stares, listening to her words still wondering how this whole thing became MY fault*

Esme - *Shakes my head* I am not siding with either of you. I just want what is best for the family, and that is you making amends with Jasper. Please...for the sake of our family...for us... please.

Carlisle - Not siding with either one of us, just Jasper, right? *chuckles* Think about what you're accusing me of

Esme - can you say that? *Steps back from you* I am not acusing you of anything. I am asking you to rise above this and be the man I know you are.

Carlisle - Sure, Rise above possible erradication by the hands of the Volturi. I'll consider it, thanks

Esme - That's it.. *growls* If Alice and Jasper leave our family, I will NEVER forgive you..*Turns on my heels, whispering* When you find the man I married..let me know. *Takes off into the woods, trying to hide my sobs*

Carlisle - *watches her disappear, picking up the letter and reading it, word for word, over and over again*

Carlisle - *walks off, letter in hand heading west towards the ocean*

**Copyright 26, May 2010**

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

With Angry Words Spoken....

**Copyright 25 May, 2010**

Today was supposed to be a day of surprise and delight as I was planning to take Esme to Port Angeles to see a Matinee at the theatre. Jasper brought her to my work to save time and so that we had only one car to deal with. When he arrived, a trauma was brought in and the amount of time too great between now and his last hunt had finally taken it's toll...

Jasper - *Smelling the scent as the trauma patient is brought past me, covered in blood. My sight going blank, the burn in my throat suddenly fire, all I see is the blood and how much I want it.*

Esme - *Arriving at the hospital to see Carlisle, feeling Jasper go rigid at my side as a trauma patient comes dangerously close to us - sees the look in his eyes, the bloodlust growing, grasping him tightly, and calling out* CARLISLE!!!

Carlisle - *bursts into the hallway seeing Jasper and Esme, instantly grabbing him and pulling him into my office, slamming the door*

Esme - *Struggles to maintain my hold on Jasper as we walk into the office* Carlsile.. quick..

Jasper - *Growling ferrally as Carlisle pulls me away, needing the blood, trying to shake the bonds of their hands* LET ME GO!

Carlisle - Jasper! Jas! Calm... LOOK AT ME

Carlisle - Jasper STOP, look at me *restrains him trying to sit him on my exam table*

Esme - No Jasper... Please.. CALM yourself *Latches onto your shoulder looking at Carlisle with panic in my eyes*

Jasper - *Pushing against his hold, much stronger than Carlisle and breaking past him for a moment, shaking Esme off, needing the blood*

Carlisle - Esme there's NO time *points to the mini refrigerator* Blood pack HURRY

Esme - *Lunges forward again, reaching for the fridge, and pulling out a package of blood, knocking the lamp off the dsk asit shatters across the floor

Carlisle - *resists as Jasper fights, pushing me back into my desk, sending wood in all directions*

Carlisle - *strains agains his will* Jasper LOOK at me, Please stands up, arms still around him, holding him back*

jasper - *Snarling at him and trying to snap at him, the animal within me running wild.*

Esme - *Rushes over to Jasper, grasping his arm and forcing him into the chair with Carlisle* STAY ... *Tears open the blood packet with my teeth, and forces Jasper's mouth open* CARLISLE.. hold him still...

Carlisle - I'm trying, he's strong Essie, I can't hold him much longer

Esme - *Pours the blood down his throat as he resists over and over, sending the blood trickling down his chin*

Jasper - *Growling before suddenly the blood from the bag rushes into my throat, cooling the burn, the taste sweeter than anything as I need more, drinking harder, my struggles slowing.*

Carlisle - Another! Essie Another!

Esme - *Grabs another from the open fridge, repeating my movements, holding Jasper's mouth open, and pouring in the blood as fast as I can* JASPER.. Jasper.. it's alright...

Carlisle - *tightens my grip losing my balance toppling us over breaking the filing cabinet and a chair* Jasper PLEASE, just LOOK at me

Esme -*Latches onto Jasper* JASPER... CALM YOURSELF!

Carlisle -*looks at Esme, shaking my head* WE NEED Alice!

Esme - Where is Alice?? *Looks to Carlisle* He will listen to her!

Alice - *running in as I see them, Jasper in a rage as blood trickles along his chin, his body heaving and his eyes dark. His mind still on the blood*

Esme - JASPER.. STOP! *Pulls you back into the chair, gripping your shoulders tightly*

Carlisle - *looks desperately at Alice*

Alice - *going to his side as my hand brushes his cheek, brushing the excess blood away*'s okay, I am can do this...

Jasper - *Grabbing the bag from Esme and drinking each drop, my senses suddenly coming to me as the taste of the blood regesters in my mind, struggling still as the monster fights against my self.*

Jasper - *Regestering instantly the touch of Alice, struggling only lightly as I push away the blood bag, Staring at her with cold eyes*

Esme - *Keeps my hold on his shoulders, giving Alice the room she needs to calm him, looking to Carlisle with worried eyes, mouthng 'someone might have seen that'*

Carlisle -*stiffens as my pager beeps* Dammit Anders isn't here yet Can you 2 hold him?

Alice - *my touch caressing his cheek still as I get his attention, bringing him back to earth, letting him feel my emotions as I know it will calm him* You can do this will be alright, you are strong enough..I believe in you..shhh..calm..

Esme - *Searches Carlisle's eyes franically* Carlisle.. this is not good. I am worried this might have drawn attention to us.. *Looks down to Jasper* We have him.

Carlisle - Are you sure? *Stands back, letting Alice sooth Jasper's inner chaos*

Esme - *nods to Carlisle* please... GO! *Struggles slightly with Jasper* We can hold him.

Jasper - *Licking the blood from my lips, still tasting it's sweetness in my mouth, wanting more but knowing I need to calm, feeling Alice's hands holding me down, soothing me.*

Carlisle -*nods as Esme's concerned words register in my mind, running from the room to attend to the trauma*

Esme - *Looks to Alice, my mind a blaze with worry for our family, for Jasper's behavior* Listen to Alice, can do this, just calm yourself.

Alice - *feeling his muscles relax slightly in my arms as I hold him, looking into his eyes* are doing good, you can do this..keep focusing...I love you, you've got this..

Jasper - *Feeling more of myself come forward, the remorse for my actions beginning to take hold as suddenly the blood tastes bitter in my mouth. My eyes warming slightly as I am still tense...* A...Alice?'

Esme -*Bites my lip, listening out to the hallway, desperately hoping for Carlisle's return, sighing as Jasper relaxes* Thank goodness..

Alice - *nodding as I smile softly at him, holding him still with adoration and concern* Yes Jazzy, it's me..I am are going to be alright...

Esme - *Whispers* Thats it Jasper, listen to Alice..

Jasper -*Sighing as the cloud of the hunt begins to deminish, leaving behind a grave sorrow for my actions and a strong feeling of anger.*

Esme -*Keeps my hand on Jasper's shoulder, despite the calming of his mind and body*

Alice -*my eyes never leaving his, my visions never leaving his path as I feel Esme's concern, unready to let go, untrusting*

Jasper -*Feeling enough of myself to know I am not about to leave the room, snapping in annoyance.* Esme. Let. Go.

Esme - *locks eyes with Alice, knowing she feels as I do about Jasper's state of mind, gripping Jasper's shoulder tighter as his words snap before me* I don't think so Jasper.

Jasper - *Snarling lightly.* I don't want to hurt either of you. So, let me go. NOW.

Esme -*Growls loudly* I. Said. NO.

Alice -*looking for Jasper's path and not trusting it quite yet, feeling his thirst control but the desire still remains* would not date...please, calm love...

Jasper - *Glaring at her.* Alice. I am not goin' to do anythin'. Let. Me. Go. *Commanding as I talk, my voice harsh showing the pain in myself and my pride.*

Esme -*Places my hands on both his shoulders now, knowing he is not himself, lack of trust prevelant in all my features, watching Alice carefully*

Carlisle -*rushes back to my office, hoping the situation has calmed*

Alice - *holding him still, knowing this is hurting his emotions but that he is still needed to be retrained, kissing his lips softly to show him how I love him still*

Alice - *whispering to him* I love you Jasper, I'm sorry...

Esme - *Looks up to Carlisle* Thank God.. *Keeps Jasper still as you enter*

Jasper -*Feeling my anger growing with my hurt, the annoyance at how closely they hold me, as though I were a child unable to control myself... knowing that they are right to deep down.*

Carlisle -*stands, locking Eyes with Alice*

Alice -*looking over to Carlisle as I nod to him,signaling the time is right*

Carlisle -*nods and moves closer, pulling up the only unbroken chair in the room* Jasper

Jasper - *Resigned to the fact that they will not let me go for now.* What?!

Carlisle - *reaches out to touch Jasper's arm* Son, please look at me

Jasper -*Tearing my arm away from him with a slight snarl, keeping silent.*

Esme - *Grips his shsoulder tigher, giving it a hard squeeze*

Alice -*my hand seeking his, trying my best to confort him even if he does not think he wants it*

Carlisle - Jasper, listen to me *speaks calm and even toned* What happened here could have potentially jeopardized the family

Jasper - *Turning my eyes to him, glaring.*

Carlisle -What happened was dangerous for all of us. You have to hunt, you have to be mindful of others, Jasper

Esme - *nods in response to Carlisle's words*

Carlisle -I know you can do better than this. You have to recognise it and reel it in and obtain better control. I KNOW you can do this

Jasper -*Snarling then.* Well I am sorry I we can't all have perfect records like YOU. I am sorry that I can't be the perfect little child you wish me to be. Not everyone is like YOU, some of us have to fight who we are, not have it handed to us on a silver platter. We can't all be like YOU Carlisle.

Carlisle -*Stands up, anger welling slowly inside of me* THIS is not about ME

Esme -*frowns as Jasper's harsh words spill across the room, continuing to hold him tightly*

Carlisle -THIS is about YOU! I've SEEN what you are capable of, you CAN CONTROL THIS! *raises voice in anger*

Alice - *gripping his hand tighter, keeoing watch on him*

Esme - Carlisle...*Watches you carefully, seeing the anger in your eyes*

Carlisle -With every time control is lost, our family is in jeopardy!

Jasper -*Snarling then.* I CAN'T. THAT IS NOT WHO I AM. I am sorry I do not fit into YOUR vision of perfection. *Growling then and standing up easily, breaking the hold of the females without any struggle at all.* I guess some of us are just monsters.

Esme -Cringes back slightly to the wall, the argument breaking out before me, grasping at every one of my emotions* Japser.. Carlisle... please..

Alice - *looking at Jasper in shock as a burn still seers my hand from where is touch once was*

Carlisle -*stands back, anger filling me completely* Do you forget? I KNOW you, Jasper. YOU CAN do this. You've proven it before

Jasper - You know what Carlisle? Some of us have to work towards this lifestyle of yours. Even if we hate it. I do not do this for YOUR approval.

Esme -*Stands in shock, looking between the two*

Carlisle -Approval? *shakes my head, fists clenched* Is that what you think this is about?

Esme -*reaches out to Carlisle, but drawing my hand back as the tone of his anger unnerves me*

Jasper -*Growling as I take a step closer to him.* Isn't it always? You just want to be able to say you controlled us long enough to make the family like you. You act selfless but you have selfish thoughts just like the rest of us.

Carlisle -*blinks hard as his words hit* Just get out!!

Carlisle -*points at the door* GO! Get OUT OF MY OFFICE !! NOW!!

Esme -Carlisle! no!

Esme -*Gasps* CARLISLE!! *Looks to Jasper, pain welling in my eyes*

Jasper - *Snarling.* Of course, that is your answer to everything. Kick me out, send me to my corner to think of what I've done. Well guess what Carlisle. I leave on my own accord. GLADLY.

Esme - *Stares in horror* Jasper, don't do this..You don't have to go. *Glares at Carlisle* Tell him he DOESNT have to GO!

Carlisle -*Turns my back, biting my fist, holding back the urge to lash out further* Just GO!

Esme -NO! *Looks over to Jasper and Alice* PLEASE! We can solve this..there doesn't have to be anger.

Jasper - *Glaring.* No Esme. I don't belong here, that is clear. *Moving to leave and making sure to barge past carlisle, knocking him into the cabnets behind him as I storm out the room.*

Carlisle -*picks up the broken chair and whispers* Get out

Esme -*Bites my lip as you leave, whispering* You do belong here...

Alice -*following after Jasper as he storms out of the room, trying to catch up but he is to angry, too fast* Jasper please...

Jasper -*Walking past the humans in a blaze, seeing red from my anger, knowing Alice follows me but ignoring her.*

Carlisle -*Kicks the broken desk, back turned away from my family*

Esme - *Turns to Carlisle, anger flowing freely from me* WHY?!

Esme -TELL. ME. WHY.

Alice -*the gap moving further between is as we reach the parking lot, trying to catch up, afraid he will not come back to me* Jasper, please...don't leave me...I know you don't want this lifestyle but tell me you want me still..don't leave...

Carlisle - *turns, eyes flashing to meet yours* You are asking ME why? Ask your SON!

Jasper -*Freezing in place at her words, shocked.*

Esme -How DARE you treat him as if he were nothing more than a common nuisance.

Carlisle -Did you not see what just happened? In PUBLIC! RIGHT HERE? What did you NOT SEE, ESME?

Alice - *catching up to him as he stops in his tracks* Please...please to me...

Jasper -*Sighing, my anger prominent as I grab her arm suddenly and pull her to the side of the building, away from sight.*

Esme -I saw EVERYTHING. But you losing your temper with him will NEVER solve the problem, now will it?

Carlisle -My temper? *runs my hands through my hair* My temper?

Esme -Yes YOUR temper. He looks to YOU for guidance, control, and you gave NONE of that to him. You are BETTER then that. *Glares*

Alice -*following as he drags me out of sight with anger and force, fear creeping within me as he does. Fear that he will leave me, fear that his anger will not fade*

Carlisle -*stands mouth open in shock* our family is in jeopardy and all you can do is talk to me about MY temper?

Esme -*Growls under my breath* Jasper was in the wrong yes..but when it comes to our family.. YOU are the one who always rights the wrongs, takes control of the situation..losing your temper is NOT acceptable.

Carlsile -Listen to yourself! We're lucky that security didn't catch sight or sound of what just happened! HE lost control! Don't you lecture me about control!

Esme - *Pushes the charts from your desk, moving swiftly right up to your face, and snarling* Carlisle Cullen, it is about time you realized that things are not written in black and white!

Carlisle -*Stares at you, shock and disbelief rushing through my mind* Perhaps you should just go with him then

Esme -*Gasps, your words hurting immensly, deciding to lash out with the same respect* You know something...maybe i should. You are acting EXACTLY like Charles... or worse...YOUR FATHER! *Grabs your car keys, and slams the door behind me*

Carlisle - *leans back against a file cabinet, staring crack in the window on my office door*

Carlisle - *slowly kneels to pick up the scattered charts*

Esme -*Hurries down the hallway, starting to regret my lst words to you, but my anger exploding at your lack of compassion for the family* UNBELIEVABLE!

Carlisle -*takes off my cufflinks and throws them across the room*

Esme -*Peels out of the hospital parking lot in your Mercedes, hoping you enjoy being stranded at work*

Carlisle - *changes out of my suit Jacket and back into my white lab coat, slowly taking off my tie*

Carlisle - *kicks off my grey loafers and puts back on my black work shoes*

Carlisle -*silently leaves the office, heading down the hall back to the ER*
**Copyright 25 May, 2010**

Friday, May 21, 2010

Come Celebrate our One Year Anniversary on 28 May, 2010!!

The Cullens Online